THE iTUNES TOP 100 & THE END OF THE WORLD: Taio Cruz - Break Your Heart (ft. Ludacris)

Well, Europe, I hope you're happy.

We've let you have your gaudy techno. You've let us have our vapid hip hop. It's been a pleasant arrangement.

But now look what you've done with our radio pop: Taio Cruz's "Break Your Heart" is the sound of an R&B crooner singing to a packed discotheque in Amsterdam (I can practically hear the Dutch girls screaming 'Dao Crooz we luhv yoo!' over the "Sandstorm"-lite chorus). Ludracris shows up all deer-in-headlights, confused to be spitting over such thumping arrangements for such bad-dancing fans, but ably finding some stability in his quality second verse.

I thought this might happen when I heard David Guetta's "Sexy Chick (ft. Akon)" (She's nothing like a girl you've ever seen before/Nothing you can compare to your neighborhood whore"), but that was more like a one-off collaboration. This feels more like a trend (auto-tune, anyone?)

I'm just nervous for where this might lead. Will I ever hear a rap song on the radio again? Ludacris?

Break Your Heart - Taio Cruz

WORTH A LISTEN (SEMI-IRONIC DIVISION, PT. 2): R. Kelly - "Pregnant (ft. Tyrese, Robin Thicke & The-Dream)"

This song only really needs the first verse, because the rest just sort of drifts off into, well, non-R. Kelly territory. Seriously, I think now that he's finished his Trapped in the Closet series (or has he?), every one of his songs has that wondrous hint of unabashed absurdity. His verses feel impeccably real and honest, and yet simultaneously blunt and child-like. There are very few artists willing to sentimentalize a white picket suburban lifestyle built on the foundation of a single beautiful ass in a nightclub.

WORTH A LISTEN (SEMI-IRONIC DIVISION): R. Kelly - "Echo"

R. Kelly takes tired, sentimental R&B themes and makes them brilliantly specific and self-serving. The earnestness is hilarious when he says: "And when you need a break/I'll let you up/I'll let you breathe/Wash your face/Get something to eat/And come back to the bedroom."



Oh, and did I mention that there's the yodeling?